


One Man Too Short

by doofnpuss



Series: Black Wedding [8]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Gen, human!perry, human!peter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doofnpuss/pseuds/doofnpuss
Summary: Perry never thought he could be replaceable. But maybe he should have expected it.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus, Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Peter the Panda, Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Series: Black Wedding [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1121445
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72





	One Man Too Short

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it's been forever since I've updated this series. I promise I'm going to try to finish it!

Danville’s streets bustled with the usual hoard of civilians, going about their daily lives. It was a familiar scene to Perry, who selfishly enjoyed riding to Doofenshmirtz’s headquarters in a jetpack, especially during the summer. He noticed a large machine being pieced together downtown, and realized his nephews, Phineas and Ferb, were up to their crazy summer projects again. He waved at them, and Phineas shouted out a hello.

He really needed to stop by his sister’s house more often.

Yes, Danville was functioning as normal. And so was Doofenshmirtz’s apartment. The scent of smoke and stark machinery wafted up from the roof. Perry landed just outside of a window on Heinz’s level, and jumped into the hallway.

He knocked on the door. And waited.

For a moment, there was silence. Until suddenly, a heavy blast thundered from behind the door. Perry jumped, startled, and began picking at the lock. Heinz shrieked, cutting through all of Perry’s thoughts. To hell with the lock. He cracked the door right off its hinges.

There was Heinz, covered in soot and dirt, standing sheepishly in his shredded lab coat, as if any of the scene around him was normal. Perry glanced around the apartment. Everything was in disarray. And not the typical kind of disarray that Perry usually expected upon arriving for another mission. It almost seemed like Heinz had been in the middle of something familiar..

“Ah, Perry, I didn’t see you there, I..”

Heinz’s face was bright red. He didn’t move, just stood there like a kid who got caught peeking early through his Christmas presents.

The agent lifted an eyebrow. There was a rattling coming from the closet.

“No one else is here! I mean! What are you doing here, Perry?”

Not even bothering to unlatch his jetpack, he sauntered over to the source of the rattling.

“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you!”

Perry grabbed the door handle and swung it open. He hadn’t been ready for the man he discovered standing in Heinz’s closet. Because this wasn’t just any man. The other agent smirked, crossing his arms in a haughty manner, one that made Perry’s blood boil. He stood at 6”4’, taller than even Perry would be with his heels on. He was well-built, dusted tan, and clearly amused by this whole situation.

Peter. Peter Bauer.

“Ohh, how weird is that. I’ve swear I’ve never seen this, uh, secret agent looking person before..”

“You aren’t fooling anybody, D.” Peter sighed, bumping into Perry’s shoulder as he sauntered out of the closet. “Might as well just tell him the truth. After all, I think he already knew it was coming.”

Perry chanced a glance at Heinz who, impossibly, had gone even redder than before. He refused to acknowledge that the jab actually hurt him just a bit. What did Peter mean by that?

An awkward silence ensued. Perry refused to be the one to break it, just staring into both their eyes with the blankest expression he could muster.

Heinz must have been holding his breath, because he let out a huge sigh. “Okay, okay. Here is it.” The scientist replied, putting a hand on the other agent’s shoulder. “Peter is my new nemesis. We met at an evil scientist convention in Seattle and well, he foiled a little evil scheme of mine. I didn’t plan it that way, it just happened!”

Peter snickered. “I was just a little faster. Maybe next time, kid.”

“I’m sorry they kicked you off the Seattle board.” Perry snapped, unable to keep his temper in check at the sight of the agent's haughty grin. “Must have ran out of room for idiots.”

“Aw. He’s angry.”

“Will you please go get us a soda?” Heinz grumbled.

Peter shrugged and turned towards the kitchen.

“Look. I’m sorry.” Heinz stuttered. “But I think it’s just good we take a clean break, don’t you?”

“If this is about that night..”

And there is was. The elephant in the room. Perry knew that the two of them had been getting slightly too close. Despite all the walls the agent had kept carefully constructed, he had underestimated the doctor’s emotional capacity. Scaring him off, even by the slightest of vulnerability, had been inevitable. Perry felt like an idiot. 

So when Heinz feverishly denied the accusation, Perry let his guard up completely, and simply turned to leave, brushing across Peter who, after giving one of the sodas to Heinz, gave Perry a small, taunting wave.

“Perry!”

The agent drowned away Heinz’s voice.

More than anything, he was disappointed in himself. This was normal. This happened all the time. Nemesis’s were destined to get bored. Hadn’t it not been that long ago that Perry had all but ditched Heinz at the slightest chance of a promotion?

He refused to confront that question as he disappeared into the sky.

Heinz felt a sudden sense of emptiness as he helplessly watched Peter destroy his inator. Honestly, the agent was no where near up to par with Perry’s sense of professionalism. The man interrupted his backstories, he escaped before Heinz could even finish explaining his creation, and wasted no time in finding the most barbaric way possible to destroy his inator. Perry always had a sense of style. Peter was like a solid rock; dumb, and completely unable to adapt.

But it was for the better. It was all for the better.


End file.
